Over the years, many articles have been written about the process of introducing children to firearms. Opinions range from a very early introduction to near absolute bans until a certain age. Honestly, I rarely read such articles and had a strong disagreement with their stated opinions. That is likely due to my belief that child rearing (outside of some basic safety and support needs) is a very personal and individual choice.
Not only does this choice reflect the opinions, values, and lives of the parents; it may vary greatly from child to child. Thus, this is not a “do it this way” article. Instead, this is more about how my wife and I handled the transition from toy guns to real guns with our son. Many of our decisions were based on understanding how behaviors practiced most are the ones most likely to happen under stress. Based on this, we recognized a need to make a clean transition from toys to firearms. My hope is to provide a structure that might be useful in your journey of navigating how and when to introduce firearms to your children. After all, it’s a pretty big deal.
Context
I have one son, born to my ex-wife and myself. After our divorce, we devoted to staying in his life and co-parenting as he continued to develop and grow. We both eventually remarried and he shared his time between the two households. In the other household, he was allowed to explore his interest in guns and the military through toys, but there were no firearms in the home. As one might expect, there were more opportunities for him to be around firearms at my household. This shared exposure somewhat influenced many of the decisions that followed, as I was only 50% in control of his home environment. It should also be noted that he was fascinated with machines, tools, the military, and engineering at an early age.
Early Decisions
In my opinion, three decisions need to be discussed and decided upon early: 1) the availability of toy firearms, 2) general safety training and prevention, and 3) the decision process for introducing firearms. First, decide if toy firearms will be a part of the equation. I have seen too many people who’ve been “around firearms their whole life” revert to more familiar, but unsafe, behaviors under stress in training. Thus, if toy guns are interspersed with real guns, all of them should be treated using the same rules and respect. In other words, if a child is alternating between toy and real guns, both need to be under the same safety rules. This practice seems fine until you realize that means no water or Nerf guns could be pointed and shot at other people in play.
The other alternative is to isolate toys from the real thing. As long as toys are treated as toys, there should be no access to real firearms. Once real firearms are used, toys have to be treated the same as real guns. This may seem a little draconian to some. However, if a child is used to running around with their finger on the trigger and shooting their toys at other people, this behavior is more likely to be seen under stress, regardless of the nature of the firearm currently in their hands. In our case, my son was already playing with toy guns in a firearm free home and so the decision was made for us. As long as he enjoyed toy guns, he would not have access to firearms when he was with us until he was ready to treat all guns, including toys, in the same way.
The next decision is when and how to communicate gun safety and likely a wider decision regarding preventing unsupervised access. For communicating gun safety, we included basic identification of toys versus real firearms very early on based around the NRA’s Eddie Eagle’s “Stop, Don’t Touch, Leave the Area, Tell an Adult”. Though we initially didn’t require compliance with his toys, we also taught the four rules of gun safety early on (around 4-5 years old) and our son could recite these rules easily. As part of preventing unsupervised access to firearms, we took steps to make sure our son, at least when with us, was not unsupervised around firearms. We were more systematic in our own gun handling and storage. We didn’t stifle his curiosity, but made sure he was exposed under very controlled settings.
The final decision was when or how we would introduce firearms into our son’s life. Our choice was guided by the previous choices and appreciating his split living conditions. Also, once we decided what we wanted to do, we made sure his other family was comfortable with it as well. In our case, we decided to leave it up to him to ask. Neither of us pressured him to start shooting until he was ready and asked to join. Once he asked, we then planned to explain how moving to real firearms would limit his play with toy ones.
Thoughts on First Guns
I am generally in favor of starting new shooters, regardless of their age, with the .22LR versions of guns they likely will end up shooting if they continue. Some shooters quickly leave the .22LR versions behind while others may take longer to move into other calibers. It’s very easy to quickly move to larger, more powerful guns. However, if a new shooter’s first experience is a larger caliber firearm that is more than they are ready for, it is hard to overcome that first negative experience. I also prefer long guns over handguns for starting a new shooter (lower recoil, flash, and noise). If a handgun, I recommend heavier and longer barreled target pistols for the same reasons. In our case, my son’s first firearm experiences were with a semi-automatic rifle, lever-action rifle, and Browning Buck Mark pistol all in .22LR.
How did these decisions play out in our case?
Our son was very happy to build up his toy gun collection at both houses. He requested I build his closet into a gun room like mine, but featuring all his Nerf guns. He learned gun safety very early on and had his curiosity addressed, allowing him to enjoy his Nerf guns. One of his favorite games as a young boy was Nerf war, which is exactly what it sounds like. Around seven years old, he asked about shooting real guns. I asked him to repeat the four rules (which he learned before this age). I sat down with him and explained, if he started shooting real guns, he needed to apply these rules to all guns including toys. He asked to think about it and, a day later, decided he wanted to keep to his toys for now. About three years later (and after many water gun fights at the pool and Nerf wars in the house), he announced he wanted to get rid of all his toys and start shooting real guns.
Our son made the decision to get rid of his Nerf guns, not as condition we set, but on his own. We let him do a toy gun yard sale that honestly looked like a miniature arms sale. He made quite the killing on selling off his extensive Nerf gun collection. The next day we went to a range and he shot a Henry lever-action, then a Walther MP-5 clone, and finally a Browning Buck Mark, all in .22LR. He stayed with the Buck Mark about a year or two before he decided to move to a Glock 19. He only shot the .22LR Henry one time and immediately went to a Henry in .45LC, which became his favorite firearm. My son is now 19, going on 20, and has several firearms in his personal safe in his room which he can enjoy when he is home from the military. We still argue if the Henry in .45LC and Buck Mark are his or mine, but the Glock 19 was gifted to him when he turned 18.
The decision to introduce and expose children to guns is a personal one. With a little forethought and planning, it will likely go very well, resulting in a lifelong and safe appreciation for firearms.
