Whether a partner, spouse, relative, or work buddy; many of us spend a lot of time with someone else. The reality is if we find ourselves in a defensive scenario, we will not be the only one there. At one time, I worked a job with a partner. We also became friends and were together the majority of the time when we were not at home. I spent most of my time outside of the home with this buddy driving, eating breakfast and lunch, and gassing up our work vehicle. Though most self-defense occurrences are located on your home property, most of the rest are at such locations.
Today, my wife and I live together, travel together, eat out together, and spend most of our time, at a minimum, near each other. I have also evolved in my defensive thinking and preparedness. As such, we also train together. We have taken numerous classes on needed survival skills, but also sought out training as a team.
The Other Person in Self-defense Planning
Although my focus has been learning to work with my partner as a team of two, it’s still important to consider other people likely present in a worse-case scenario. Pre-planning roles and responses, as well as how to quickly communicate plans, can make all the difference in transforming other innocent parties from liabilities into assets. We tend to fall prey to the trap of preparing in isolation without thinking about other’s actions. If escape is a better option in a situation, will that be the decision and actions of the person accompanying us? If we decide to defend, will we be hampered by the actions of our likely partner? Regardless of the other person’s skills, communication and planning are needed and are the first steps to increasing our likelihood of success.
Identify Self-defense Partners
The first step in self-defense planning is to identify potential partners based on risk. Who do you spend the most time with? Who are you with when at the greatest risk? In another personal example, I had a good friend that I only saw occasionally. However, when we were together, we were often in riskier situations. While he didn’t qualify as someone I spent much time with, he did qualify under my estimations of risk.
Have the Conversation
Once you’ve identified potential partners, the next step is a discussion regarding difficult situations. What are their thought and triggers, if any, to avoid, escape, and/or defend? If they haven’t thought about it, discuss a few possible scenarios to determine their likely actions. One of my earlier partners was willing to avoid or escape, but unwilling to use force in any conceivable situation. I had no judgement on this stand, but adjusted my own plans knowing what to expect from them. My current partner is likely more aggressive than I and willing to use force as needed. Obviously, my plans have shifted based on their skills and willingness to use force.
Once the proper person, or people, is identified; it’s worthwhile to discuss what yours and their actions would be if faced with a self-defense situation. What roles would each person assume? How would each person react? We can never know exactly how we’ll react in a situation until faced with it. However, these conversations provide mental maps to fall back on. Discussing a plan and defining roles decreases the likelihood of inaction and, thus, increases the chances for success. Topics should include how to avoid risks, when to plan for escape, or when to defend. In each situation, establish the roles and expectations of each person.
Much like creating a home defense or fire escape plan, the goal is to pre-discuss the expectations and actions needed by both people to succeed. Avoidance and escape plans are some simple scenarios not centered on defensive use of force. For example, instead of gassing up when the low fuel light comes on, gas up after a half tank. This could prevent stopping at a more questionable gas station when it’s the only option. Escape could be as simple as a quick gesture or code phrase when either person feels it’s time to leave a location.
Pre-set Communications
The previous example brings us to the last step in this process – deciding how to communicate. Movies often feature cool hand signals. Many tactical training groups also offer short and simple commands that are likely to be understood by others trained to work in teams. A common lexicon of terms is highly useful, but only if both parties are willing to learn all these terms well. Stating “Check, check, check” is useless if the other person doesn’t know what that means. This issue leaves us with three main communication options. All three involve simple and intuitive commands but differ based on what, and how, these commands are used.
First, keep it simple and direct. Agree on commonly needed commands and use simple sentences. Instead of “Check, check, check” to communicate being temporarily out of the fight and needing cover, use “Reloading, cover me.” Instead of “push out, cover long”, use “back up and look for threats.” The advantages of using and practicing this technique is clearer communication. However, the downside is potentially informing threats of your actions.
The second is to create a common, but unique, set of words and/or codes. This guarantees others will not know what is communicated. This is like safe words or identification codes for home defense plans. Non-verbal codes are an option too. An example would be saying the wrong name for your partner. By using “Sarah” instead of “Meghan”, it could mean you want to safely escape this situation. “Pinwheel” may be code for one person going low while the other goes high while engaging a threat. There are downsides. Both people need to fully learn the codes and no one else will know what they mean (friend or foe). Also, you may need to learn multiple codes with different partners. This technique is likely best when you have only one partner and it’s unlikely you will have any other form of backup.
The final technique is learning a set of simple, widely used instructions understood by trained first responders. For example, these instructions would be, “cover (direction),” “moving (direction),” “peel (direction),” “threat down,” “execute,” etc. The advantages here are communications understood by potential friendly responders. Conversely, the disadvantage is making sure you are well practiced in their use and easily understood by both parties. Another disadvantage is some threats may understand the commands. However, in a high adrenaline situation, people rarely clearly attend to what anyone may be saying.
Co-combatants
Consider additional steps beyond basic plans and reactions if both you and your partner are likely to use force if needed. In the case of my wife and I, we have trained extensively in the use of force and both routinely carry firearms. We made this commitment to have access to needed tools only if there is no other safe alternative. As we are both likely to individually respond to an extreme situation in similar ways, we have sought out training on how to fight as a team. This training included communication, role identification, and how to effectively support each other without interfering with one another. Through this training and practice, we have become much better at staying aware of our surroundings. Two sets of inattentive eyes are no better than one.
We’ve also discussed what weapons we carry and where we carry them. Both of us know where the other person’s weapons, magazines, knife, flashlight, and tourniquet are located in an emergency. In addition, since my wife is the person I am most likely to be next to if the unthinkable ever happens, I changed my preferred carry caliber to match hers. We now both carry 9mm, allowing us to use each other’s ammunition and are comfortable shooting the other’s gun if needed.
Conclusion
My suggestion is to audit your social groups and risks. Determine who you need to have these conversations with. If they are unlikely to join you in self-defense, at least establish some expectations, roles, and communication. If they are likely to assist you in self-defense, consider training together towards the goal of working together. In the absence of preparation and training, two people working separately may well be one too many cooks spoiling the broth. However, with training and preplanning, you and your chosen partner can gain the advantages of working together.
