It’s not uncommon for people outside the gun world to view gun owners as “shoot first, ask questions later” types. Of course, we know that isn’t an accurate perception, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t some related pitfalls gun owners fall into. When you carry a gun for self-defense it might seem like that firearm is the answer to threats — and in many cases, it will be — but it isn’t the only answer. De-escalation is something everyone should understand and practice, but it’s a critical skill for gun owners. Here’s what you need to know about de-escalation and why it’s important to you.
What is de-escalation?
The term de-escalation refers to the process of conflict resolution that reduces or stops a potential threat. Rather than making a situation worse, you make it better. De-escalation is usually verbal, but not always. Understanding every aspect of de-escalation is important because de-escalation is about more than just trying to talk your way out of a fight. Proper de-escalation means you’re being water, not gasoline, on a sparking fire.
Does de-escalation always work?
No, de-escalation does not always work. There are even situations where de-escalation isn’t an option because the threat is escalating too fast. In those cases, you might find yourself forced to defend yourself with your firearm because it’s the only way to protect yourself from maiming or death. (Spoiler alert: you can’t know if the end result is going to be maiming or death until after the fact, meaning people who play the game of, “Well, he only had a knife” flat don’t know what they’re talking about). Sometimes de-escalation is a waste of valuable time. There will be times that it’s abundantly clear and other times there will be some nuance to the scenario you may or may not pick up on in time. All you can do is use your best judgment in the moment.
How does verbal de-escalation work?
Verbal de-escalation can involve a variety of factors. You might need to admit fault in a situation even though you don’t think you did anything wrong — but apologizing could be what stops the threat from becoming life-threatening. Other times you might need to be the voice of reason, the calm person who’s willing to find common ground or come to some sort of compromise. Here’s what you don’t do:
- Raise your voice
- Curse
- Name-call
- Argue
- Insult them or their friends or family (or their vehicle, their dog—don’t insult anything or anyone on purpose)
- Say slurs
- Speak in a condescending manner
- Be dismissive
- Be sarcastic
No matter how upset you are, it’s in your best interest to remain calm. Be the voice of reason — but not in a condescending way — and try to find a way to resolve the issue. Listen, and take their concern or offense seriously.
How does physical de-escalation work?
Physical de-escalation has a few sides to it depending on the scenario. Sometimes, physically de-escalating means you just way away. It’s as simple as that. If you go that route, take care not to simply turn your back on a potential threat. That might mean you need to back or sidestep away. Do not dismissively turn your back directly on a possible threat and start walking away, because that can have the opposite effect while also exposing you to harm.
When you can’t just walk away or otherwise remove yourself from the situation, stop and consider your body language. Clenched fists, crossed arms, and leaning forward can all be perceived as aggression. A few things to avoid that can look or are aggressive:
- Crossed arms
- Clenched fists
- Pointing fingers
- Leaning toward the person
- Clenching your jaw
- Narrowing your eyes
- Gesturing wildly with hands
- Stepping toward the person
- Bobbing or jerking your head in the person’s direction
- Obscene gestures
- Getting into the person’s personal space
- Maintaining excessive direct eye contact
De-escalate the situation with more relaxed body language. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be wary or on your guard but only that you need to make an effort not to appear threatening. Don’t get so casual that you tuck your hands in your pockets — that’s only going to slow you down if there’s trouble — but try to avoid overly aggressive actions. Hands up in an interview position is often a good idea as is blading your body slightly away instead of positioning yourself to face them head-on. Sometimes the simple act of a seemingly relaxed posture — ready, yet relaxed — is enough.
My Bad 20
A concept that was first given a voice by Jack Clemons, a marketing professional in the firearms industry, is the My Bad 20. This is literally a $20 bill you have readily available to use as a de-escalation tool. You might be able to hand over that $20 and repair any damage done by a spilled drink, bumped shoulder, or “stolen” parking space (the latter is a great example of a time when you might not feel you were in the wrong, but an apology might go a long way). Most people won’t be expecting a My Bad 20 response to their own aggression and it can be a fantastic way to de-escalate the situation in a matter of seconds.
When is de-escalation not possible?
When you’re faced with an immediate, credible threat from someone who wants to do you harm, you’re not going to be wise trying to de-escalate things. This person has the means and intent to hurt or kill you and they’re clearly going to act. That’s a lot different than someone who’s simply irritated you spilled their drink or working themselves up to act, but they’re not there yet. Generally, you can tell the difference between a serious threat and one that can be de-escalated. It’s a good idea to take classes on not only self-defense with firearms but also self-defense that involves other things such as de-escalation. Sure, it’s fun to participate in classes that are heavy with live fire and drills, but there’s a great deal of value to classes that focus on lectures, too.
Why do gun owners need to de-escalate?
As gun owners, we have an added layer of responsibility to utilize tools above and beyond our firearm. That might seem counterintuitive at first, but if you stop and think about it, it makes sense. Your gun is not meant to be used to end an argument or warn someone else. If you draw your gun it should be because you expect to need to use it. If, instead, your attacker turns tail and runs, that’s great — but it shouldn’t be the reason you draw your gun. Your gun itself is not a de-escalation tool. In fact, it can do exactly the opposite.
Approach all situations with thought, care, and training. Having the proper training and paying attention to your surroundings can go a long way to de-escalating a situation. It’s always better to walk away from a fight than to get into one, even if it hurts your pride. Far better to have wounded pride or a damaged ego than to be dead or dying on the ground.
What’s your preferred de-escalation method? Share your experiences in the comments.
