It’s not Christmas until Hans Gruber falls off Nakatomi tower, right? The niche of Christmas action movies has steadily grown, mostly fielded by Shane Black. I enjoy watching “Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer” as much as everyone else, but sometimes you need something more…violent. Maybe if Yukon Cornelius used that Colt in his waistband, I’d be more satiated.
That’s not always the case with your traditional Christmas film. Luckily, this isn’t your traditional blog, and we are going to take a peek at the best films for gun guys and gals this holiday season. We aimed for action movies with a bit of levity to them. No one wants to watch “Saving Private Ryan” during the holidays. We want something exciting, action-packed, and fun. So with that in mind, here are your GunMag-approved Christmas flicks.
Die Hard
We already referenced Hans Gruber, so let’s kick it off with a movie that’s transcended action films. “Die Hard” really started the Christmas action flick. It meets most of the tenant requirements for a Christmas movie but also kicks ass along the way. Our hero is a police officer but he’s also an everyman who might have a Beretta 92 but isn’t a super soldier.
McClane is smart and occasionally lucky but he’s also a tenacious smart-ass with a heart of gold. We like seeing him succeed because he really is against the odds. This film showcases some staple 80s guns that help define pop culture going forward. McClane has his Beretta 92. We also get tons of MP5 action. Hans wields the HK P7M13, and we can’t forget the AUG.
The film meets our requirements for a Christmas action flick wholeheartedly. While terrorism is no laughing matter, McClane finds a way to make it funny without reducing the bad guys to idiots. One of my favorite aspects is the contrast between everyday schlub McClane and the sophisticated Gruber. They have quite a relationship.
Violent Night
“Violent Night” is a Christmas action flick that takes a lot of inspiration from “Die Hard.” Terrorists take hostages inside a massive building, and one guy takes them on. Instead of a company at Nakatomi Plaza, it’s a massively rich family in a mansion. Instead of a cop, our hero is freakin’ Santa Claus. Santa gets violent and fights his way through a team of mercenaries to try and save the family.
Our Santa isn’t necessarily a bad ass either. He’s a McClane type of reluctant hero—a little cowardly but pulls through in the end. As you’d imagine, the movie doesn’t take itself too seriously. Our villains were disguised as the hired help and are dressed in Christmas-themed costumes with Christmas-themed codenames.
The movie isn’t for kids. It’s ultraviolent, with Santa employing everything from a sledgehammer to a pair of skates as weapons. Not to mention candy canes, ornaments, and his sack too. The bad guys wield HK 416s and Troy PDWs. The main bad guy even carried a distinctive handgun in the form of the Grand Power X-Calibur.
Fatman
When I saw “Fatman,” it was the 1st time I’ve ever seen Santa become a real action hero. Mel Gibson plays the aforementioned Fatman. He’s a grizzled Santa Clause with DOD contracts. When there are fewer good kids for Christmas, he enters into a contract for his elves to build weapons. Santa himself carries a Colt Walker and an M1911.
He needs it when a rich but bad kid hires a hitman to take him out. The film devolves into this over-the-top action flick that never wins or nods at you. It’s played seriously, and that makes it even better and funnier, in my opinion. Fatman never lets the veil slip, and it’s better for that. Mel Gibson plays grizzled good, and Walter Goggins plays a solid insane hitman.
Fatman is the 1st in what is seemingly becoming a niche trend of violent Santa films. So far, the genre has two hits for me, so give me more violent Santa. Please.
Lethal Weapon
I mentioned Shane Black already, and he loves Christmas action movies. With that in mind, “Lethal Weapon” is the most Christmas of Christmas action movies. The beginning has a gunfight in a Christmas tree yard. Exterior shots show Christmas trees, lights, and more. As Riggs and Murtaugh team up to pursue murderous heroin dealers, you constantly see Christmas decorations.
The mention of ‘Murderous heroin dealers’ makes the film sound a bit darker than it is. There are scenes of torture too, and violent gunfights. At the same time, it’s all broken up by jokes and levity. Murtaugh is the straight man, and Riggs is the crazy joker. The film goes back and forth between being dark and funny. It does admittedly deal with PTSD, suicide, and more not-so-fun topics.
At the same time, it never goes too long without a joke of some kind. We get a pair of crazy likable characters and two villains that pose a real challenge to their efforts. Gary Busey, as Mr. Joshua, is a believable hardass. Mitchell Ryan looks and acts like a general, and both are well-armed, smart, and brutal. Still, they can’t stand up to the unofficial gun of Christmas, the Beretta 92.
The Hebrew Hammer
“The Hebrew Hammer” is both a Christmas and a Hanukkah movie. The title character, the Hebrew Hammer, is a tough guy who works as a private eye to protect his Jewish community. Who does he protect them from? Well, in this film, it’s Andy Dick who is terrifying enough. In this film, he’s the evil son of Santa Clause, who wants to get rid of Hanukkah.
You can best guess that the film has zero seriousness to it. “The Hebrew Hammer” is a violent, over-the-top film. It’s a Jewish private eye fighting the evil son of Santa and his army of evil elves.
I also like that the Hammer wields Benelli M3 shotguns. In fact, he carries a pair of them at one point. Although, in true Christmas tradition, he carries a Beretta 92 as his main firearm. If you haven’t seen the Hebrew Hammer, give it a watch. It’s a very underrated film.
It’s a Red Christmas
Blood on the snow is the best way to distinguish a Christmas action flick. Although, admittedly, a lot of them don’t have much snow. Hopefully, we’ve provided you and yours something entertaining to watch this holiday season. Once the kids go to bed and you don’t have to hear that brutally loud Rudolph nose, you can sit back and relax with some old fashioned Christmas action movies.
